Pagophagia

You learn something new every day.
Today I learned that among my other disorder eatings, I almost definitely have pagophagia, a form of pica (in which one consumes items that are not generally considered food, in the case of pagophagia, the item would be ice).
You can read about it in THIS WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE (yeah, I know, Wikipedia, but still, it's where I get all my information...)

It's actually kind of shocking that my obsession with chewing ice is actually a disorder.

And it's time for a story I forgot to tell you all.

Back in August, I went in to my doctor's office for a physical exam. She noticed on her chart that I had lost weight from my last physical and asked me what I had been doing differently.
"Oh, eating healthy... And I'm vegetarian now." I replied.
"Hmm. Well, keep doing what you're doing, since it's obviously working!"

I took that as a sign to continue fucking up my body with disordered eating.
I mean, why not?
(That one was clearly rhetorical...)

Liquid fast, Day 2

I'm on Day 2 of a rather random liquid fast.

After weighing in at 174 Sunday, 172 Monday, I started liquid fasting yesterday (Tuesday, also 172). I'm currently 168.4, woo.

Feeling really crappy and sluggish right now. I worked out after school, went for thirty minutes, got a drink, hopped back on. After six minutes I started getting dizzy and called it quits.
No sense in fainting in front of a pack of muscle-lusting junior-year boys.

I just feel so exhausted. I know this will go away soon if I continue (which, ultimately is the plan). I want to be at least 165 before I end this fast, if not 160.

I've never done more than a 1-day fast before. I feel semi-proud.
And at the same time, like shit.
Sorry for such a crappy post you guys. I'll properly update later.

Just the girl next door.

First of all, I wanted to thank Liz, Sam, Lost In Space, skinnybusiness, Sarah and Lucidity for such amazing comments. :] I know I usually thank you guys last, so I decided to thank you guys first this time, because those comments really mean so much to me.



Now, on to business.

I've come to the conclusion that everything about me opposes the person I want to become.
I want to be glamorous and mysterious and alluring.

But all my features scream "Girl Next Door".
Everything to my easily sunburned skin, to my freckles, from my strawberry blonde hair to my not-"hot" figure...
Even if I were skinny, I'd still just be a Plain Jane.
Okay, that phrase (Plain Jane) has always bothered me, because all the Janes I know are pretty and amazing and charismatic.

I want to be less sunny and more sultry.
Less Drew Barrymore, more Vivien Leigh.
Les chunky, more svelte.

That's a weird word. Svelte.

Anyway, it's time for me to hit the hay. I want to try to get at least six hours of sleep tonight...

<3
Love you.

Ouch.

Lost two followers over the past week.

Is it because I don't post religiously anymore?
Sorry if I don't feel like boring you guys with random spew from my mouth.

@lovelybones; I meant to answer your question awhile ago... Slipped my mind completely. I wish I did live in Canada so we could be real-life buddies (actually, the thought of being RL buddies with anyone from this community scares me so much I can't even put it into words). No, sadly I live in boring Upstate New York. This is big, I've never made any allusion to where I live in this blog. At all. I'm still in high school, too.
@Lost In Space; Meant to answer this too: my school got $11 million from rich fancy-pants donors/alumni who wanted to have their name put on something at the school. Nothing worthwhile, like, oh, I don't know, a THEATER. Instead, two turf fields, a new track, a new softball field, new exercise equipment (not complaining about that one).

So what have I been up to in the past FOREVER that it's been since I last posted?
Well, major bingeing, to start.
Working my way back, as of today.
Started a break-a-habit plan, completely ending my chocolate consumption (I'm on Day Three. Don't want to jinx it, even though I know by putting it on here I will, like always. I've been eating chocolate every day, it's wreaking havoc on my skin. So no more of that).
Still as fucking fat as ever, still 17 (+?) pounds heavier than when I left camp.

So Charlie = unhappy.

Kind of.

See, there's a new guy in the picture...
But I don't want to jinx anything.
So for right now, my lips are sealed. :x


Love you guys. <3
Would love comments, if it's not too much to ask. Self-esteem is pretty much down the toilet at the moment.

Today, after a successful day of NOT eating, I emotion-binged on two slices of pizza and a whole package of Pepperidge Farm cookies.

I think it's time for me to give up my dream of ever being successful at anything in my life.

I'm not desperate I'm not desperate I'm not desperate.

Day 00

Today started a new life for me. A life of... Gasp! Actually working out?!

As a part of my school's 11 million dollar athletic revamp (yeah. ELEVEN MILLION FUCKING DOLLARS. Including two new turf fields, a redesigned grass field for modified sports, softball field, and overhauled weight/fitness room. And we still have no fucking theater. Go fucking figure), they redid our weight room. It now has two treadmills, two elliptical machines, and two stationary bikes.
Guess what Charlie is now in love with?

So, my friend and I decided that would start using the ellipticals every Monday and Wednesday (I'm not a slacker, I swear! Tuesdays and Thursdays I have chorus, play practice, and cheer practice straight after school until six! Fridays we have football games to cheer at, and excuse me, but I am not doing an hour on the elliptical right before cheering a three/four hour game. Ick). And we started today.
Food intake wasn't great today. Half a peanut butter (ew) sandwich for breakfast, a cookie, pudding for lunch. Ellipsisized (ellipsed? Who the fuck knows...) an hour (-410 calories). Came home and turned into Binge Monster, ugh. Slice of American cheese, handful of chips and salsa, three smallish slices of pizza (PIZZA.) and an ice pop. Then dance class, funnest thing of my life. My teacher tore something in her shoulder, so we had this awesome guy teaching class, and he's just so much fun!

Anyway, today starts Day 00 of the New Charlie.
Tomorrow starts Day 01 of ABC (Yes. Charlie's actually trying this YET ANOTHER TIME).
Who knows. Maybe this time it'll work out.


Thank you all for your encouraging comments. I love you. <3