Pro-Ana gets an amazingly negative face. I've been having one of my Ana nights (although I may sleep soon, it's almost 5am and I'm starting to feel tired), and I've seen a lot of Anti-Pro-Ana, proclaiming the negativity and corruption of Pro-Ana websites and blogs.
I feel that Pro-Ana gets as much neg rep as anorexia itself.
Here's what (most) people see when they see anorexia:
-shallow
-self-absorbed
-think everyone else is fat
-messed the fuck up
My image of the true anorexia?
-pain
-loneliness
-struggle
-messed the fuck up
I feel like these people view pro-ana the same way that they do anorexia. That it's just one big tra-la-la, ha-ha, look at those fat people while I'M skinny, giving young girls advice on how to kill themselves by starvation.
I see it as losing control, dying of anorexia. I mean, we crave control right? Over our bodies, over our minds. Doesn't dying just negate all that we worked for?
Maybe I'm crazy. I probably should be in therapy more often. I think I may be bipolar, which would explain a lot...
As for Pro-Ana, all it's ever been to me is support. Support I can't find with my normal, healthy friends. Support that comes in the form of people I've never met, people I never will meet, who truly do care about me and want me to succeed in what I do. If I were to choose recovery, right now, I could almost guarantee at least one person who reads this blog thinking "Good for her." I don't believe that anyone would look down upon me for striving to become better. Sure, they might miss me, my random comments and outbursts (doubtful :]). But they would never scorn me.
Long live the real Pro-Ana. MY Pro-Ana.
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I see it as support too. And not the "this is the way to starve yourself" support... but the pro ana community will be there for you no matter what. And they will be happy for you.
ReplyDeleteThose are just my 2 cents. :)
true words!
ReplyDeleteatleast we all get it, right
we can't expect anyone else to understand
love xx
Stay strong
I would be happy for you, and probably jealous if you were to gain the control of recovery.
ReplyDeleteI do not wish pain and suffering on anyone, and I honestly would never want someone to read my blog and decide to choose an Ana lifestyle...I only mean mine for people who are already messed up like me.
But, blogging does give support into our messed up thoughts doesn't it? Hummmm.. it's just so hard!
I also hate the thought that my words could encourage someone. I feel sick with myself...
:(
I wish you many happy thoughts If you do choose recovery and I'd hope you'd maybe blog about it.
I also see it as support.
ReplyDeleteI mean sure, some people do offer tips and tricks, and sure, it does, along with supporting us, support the disordered thoughts that may eventually kill us.
But at the same time, I know if I said I was going to try and recover, no one would be like "NO, you can't STOP. No way, PRO ANA." except for maybe the little voice in my head.
I think it's a good way for girls with a very lonely disorder to not feel so alone.
I would miss any of you. But I would be happy for you if its what you really wanted. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're so right about the control thing. Since I met Ana I've met self-control... my life was too fucked up before that... and it still is... but in some way I feel closer to control with ana than without her. :)
ReplyDeleteLiked your post!