Epiphany.

The last two days have been a total reworking of my mind.


Truth.

Random Ramble :
I've barely eaten anything. I just... don't feel like eating. Boysboysboys. What the fuck. Is his opinion of me really that shocking? Especially when it's the same as my own: that I'm a fat fuck (his words, borrowed) who's an attention whore and a desperate wannabe.
I've thought about leaving. You guys, I mean. I've thought about what's going to happen once I'm skinny. I used to think, oh, once I'm thin and gorgeous, I won't even have to try.
I was trying to fool myself. I knew the truth.
I've also hit a new low weight, 164.0.
Watched "The Swan Princess" for my workout today. I love kid-ish animated movies. Anything animated is amazing. The girls never have imperfections. Neither do the guys, now that I think about it. Except maybe some bad haircuts (Prince Cornelius from Thumbelina, anyone?).
"She started out as such an ugly duckling,
And somehow suddenly became a swan."
That's what I'm going to be. An ugly duckling, transforming suddenly into a beautiful swan, ready to spread my graceful white wings and fly far away.
So I was thinking about leaving you guys. Not necessarily that I want to leave you guys, but what I would do if I did. If that makes sense.
In my head, I compared it to an amputated limb, or something to that effect..

Maybe that's a bit drastic.
But I don't know what I'd do without all of you.

You know the real me. The me no one else knows.


And that makes you more important than my right lung.
Again, a tad drastic.



But it gets my point across?
Damn. This is long. Sorry, everyone. :]