Saturday, May 28, 2011

Please follow my new blog...

If you still want to hear my crazy ramblings. :]
If not, I completely understand, haha.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Hey guys.

I know I said I was going to stop posting on Blogger.
And I am, at least on this account.

There are times when I really miss just ranting and rambling in a big long paragraph. But this blog just has too many memories of an Old Me that isn't here anymore. I have a new blog for the new me. You can find it here:

Becoming Ethereal (

As you can see, it's appropriately titled, as per my obsession with attempting to be delicate and airy.

I hope you'll follow my new blog, but if you don't, I understand. :) I will be following some blogs I read daily, and I generally follow those who follow me (sometimes hard to keep track, but I try!).

Hope to see you soon.


Saturday, May 7, 2011

It's official.

I'm going to stop posting on Blogger.

Which probably comes as no surprise, as I haven't been posting lately, also which I've said before, blah, blah.

But this time, it's for real, unless something drastic happens in my life that requires me to blog on Blogger.
I am on Tumblr, for those of you that have it (, and I post on Tumblr regularly.

I love you all. I wish you the best in whatever you try to accomplish; weight loss, weight gain, recovery, should you so choose.

I love you, and thank you for all your support over the past year.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I need your help!

I'm not even gonna comment on my last few insane/psychotic posts.


I have to do a senior dance this year, because I'm a senior, and I'm leaving my dance school for college next year.

And I have to pick a song.

And I have no clue!

So I'd love some song suggestions from you guys- Any and all would be much appreciated. :]

Friday, April 22, 2011

I think I'm going insane.

My mental thought process is very quickly degrading.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I'm not going to edit this post at all so you all can see-the entire internet can see what the fuck is going on inside my head. I swear this is complete what's-it-called shit I don't remember what it's called- STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS.

This is what's going on in my head and dear sweet Jesus, I think I'm finally breaking.
I don't even know what the fuck is wrong with me and I feel like and idiot and K probably thinks I'm an idiot for texting him so much and he probably just laughs at everything I fucking say because that's how ridiculous I am and oh my God I swear I'm fucking psycho.
This doesn't make any sense, I know and it probably seems like this is completely fucking fake but SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH ME all my thoughts are going too fast and I have a headache... Maybe I'm just pretending to be going crazy- but that's crazy, pretending to be going insane. I've been eating way too much lately, maybe that's it. I'm getting sick, my throat is sore, I only have three more weeks of hell/school left and I can't wait to graduate and I can't wait for fucking college. I don't know how I'm going to handle camp this year I've been such a fucking little kid talking to him he probably thinksKNOWS I'm ridiculous, Jesus I almost spelled "ridiculous" with a fucking "E", like "rediculous"... So much for spelling bee champ.

Monday, April 18, 2011


I binged tonight.
What else is new.

I've decided it's absolutely pointless to try to lose weight while living at home. So I'm just going to try to maintain the 166 for next Sunday, then continue on with my Plan from there.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself

I hate myself.

I weighed this morning at 167.4. I ate a little extra last night, wanted to boost my metabolism.

At midday, after intense room-cleaning, I was back to 166.2, which was nice.
I had to eat dinner with the family.

I didn't have to eat the entire bag of Starburst Gummies, or the entire bag of chocolate-covered pretzels.

And now I'm 168.4.

I hate myself, and I hate these binges that happen at home.

I didn't purge today or yesterday. It took a lot not to purge after my little 9 p.m. binge tonight. I wanted to so bad.

God, I'm pathetic. I know I say that a lot, and you guys reassure me that I'm not, but I am. I'm pathetic, and no one really pays attention to what I do anymore.
I wish wishing for things actually worked.

Hopefully I can sleep off these two pounds at wake up at the goal for this week, 166.
I hate being at home all day. I really do.