Sunday, February 27, 2011


I've been doing a lot of introspective thinking lately. It's weird.

Twenty-two hour fast completed today. Didn't eat too much after I broke it.
I need to go to bed now, but I need to get these thoughts out. I feel like they'll bury me if I don't.

I've been reading entries from last year: December, January, February. I can literally see the degradation of my mental state to where it is today.

I wander around my house aimlessly, I wander around stores aimlessly, I wander around school aimlessly.
Looking for something that will fill the void in my life. There's a place in my brain, I think it's missing.

I feel absolutely fucking crazy right now.

But no one could ever tell.
I have a perfect, unblemished veneer over my emotions. No one ever knows what I'm really thinking or feeling.

Not that anyone's ever cared enough to venture deeper. I always hoped I would meet someone (preferably a guy I could fall in love with and live happily ever after with) who would care enough to see through my bullshit and care enough to make me stop hurting myself before I go absolutely psychotic.

Not yet.
Still waiting.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want a knight in shining armor who will vanquish all my evils for me. I just want a sexy, gorgeous man (with flowing, wavy hair, and clear green or brown eyes, taller than me, with a come-hither (or incredibly cute and goofy) smile and nice teeth) to tell me that I need save myself. Because he doesn't know what he'd do without me.
I want to be wanted. I want to be needed.

I've never had a problem with anonymous commenters. I wonder why that is. Do I not say offensive things enough? Because I can.

Donkey rape.
Anal bleaching.

Not offensive enough? At least I tried...

Still not officially back. I wonder how many "not official" posts it will take to make me admit I'm 100% back.



  1. anal bleaching? lol i really wish you'd come back.

  2. Well I for one, am glad you're 'unofficially' back.
    I want to be wanted too.
    Xx. Lillie

  3. I hope you'll come back I'd really like to follow you :D
    Well welcome back anyways love <3

  4. So glad to hear from you again :) And I am completely offended by everything you ever do or say or -- blah, I can't do this. Anal bleaching just made me laugh and then immediately feel bad for laughing. Anywho, hope to hear from you more <3