Saturday, July 17, 2010


I feel detached from my eating disorder.

I mean, it's always there, in the back of my mind, every time all I eat for dinner is a roll with real butter, or when I stuff two grilled cheeses into my mouth.
But it's time to reattach.
Because I GAINED WEIGHT this week.

That means no more cabin food stash.
That means when going to the kitchen at nights is for oranges and melon, not cookies and muffins.
That means that I cannot- WILL NOT- be the girl that D always talks about.
He tells me that she's really fat, and that she wouldn't eat vegetables even though she was a vegetarian- all she ate was cake.

One of the CITs this past week said I looked like her.
My jaw dropped.

When I told D that, he reassured me that I'm a lot smaller.

But I don't believe him.

So I'm reattaching. I'm waking up early and going for a run tomorrow. I'm doing my hair and getting pretty for tomorrow.
I'm going to get the guy that I want, I'm going to get the body I want, I'm going to get the life that I want.

I love you guys.


  1. that feeling is the worst! I am going to assume that you like D. If a boy you like talks about how some girl is ugly or fat, it makes you wonder if they think the same about you. And to push it even farther, you heard that you look like this fat chick. I'm sorry! That actually happened to me very recently. not a good feeling. Just think, one day soon enough, you will be the girl who everyone, not just D, things of as the beautiful little skinny girl.

  2. and, you go for everything you want. I know how it feels to want a guy, and to want a hot body. you go for it girl!!! tell me how you do it if your successful, i'd love to know the secret. lol

  3. Sounds like a great plan. I've been really deattached lately too. It's embarrassing. Take care,