Tuesday, November 24, 2009

First Goal Day

Today was supposed to be my first goal day. Today was supposed to be the day that I would rejoice, and have a nice reward lunch tomorrow.
Today failed.
I blame myself and the weekend. I blame ice cream. I blame I blame IblameIblameIblame. I blame my lack of willpower.
Today was a moderately good day, until after school. I had lunch (celery, approximately two sticks because I hate celery). I had water (like three or four bottles). And then came the end of the school day. I was getting a ride with two of my friends, who decided to get pizza. When we walked in, I had no money. I told them that, and one of them offered to pay for me. I whipped out the "big lunch" excuse, which was a no go. She had seen that I hadn't actually eaten anything substantial for lunch.
I was so tempted to go buy a Snickers at lunch today. Instead, I refilled my water bottle and chugged it. I was so cold by the end.
The pizza was bad, and the next four days are going to be hard. I'm going out of town for Thanksgiving, and I'm going to be without a scale, under scrutiny from my cousins and family, in a house of skinny people, where all they do is eat. Fuck.

I'd like to take the time for a disclaimer here...despite the fact that probably  no one will read this.
I do not encourage eating disorders. Things that are said here may end up being triggering, so if you're in recovery, please close this window IMMEDIATELY. I know how hard it is living with this shit, and this is me venting and keeping with my goals. If you're going to scold me for having an ED, fuck off, you have no idea. No idea whatsoever.

1 comment:

  1. Hey there! i'm sorry , this may seem like a really old post to comment on, but i usually read throught the entire archive.. and i still have a fair bit of artiles to go lol :).

    Anyhow, i just wanted to tell you : You are great. ok? You can be who you want to be. Idk if this is gonna help or anything , just thought id post something to help...

    Have a nice day :) xx