Something's different right now.
My mom and I were talking in the car this morning. About food.
She's going on and on about how in her childhood "food equaled love", so now food is comfort to her.
And she "passed it on to me" (her words. Not mine).
Fuck that.
Food isn't comfort.
It's fucking hell.
Whatever "comfort" I may get from it is quickly replaced by guilt for eating the damn thing in the first place.
Food is punishment now.
Slipped up on your diet, Charlie? SHOVE SOME GODDAMN FOOD DOWN YOUR THROAT.
Looking extra-fat today? TIME FOR SOME FUCKING M&Ms. WHAT'S THE POINT OF TRYING? YOU'LL ALWAYS BE A TUB OF LARD.
Pants don't fit right? TRY ANOTHER SANDWICH. THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO BUY NEW PANTS...THREE SIZES BIGGER.
Somewhere over the summer, my Inner Restricting Voice got quieter and quieter. My Inner Binge-Eating Voice has made her ugly, fat-rolled appearance.
Today, IRV got PISSED. PISSED AS FUCK. And put a damn foot down.
Not strong enough to prevent me from eating, but strong enough to make me go run.
It's a start.
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we all start somewhere! just crank up the IRV to full volume and let her guide you to skinny.
ReplyDeletestay strong x
you can do it. as long as you exercise the amount of calories you eat will start to become negligible. build up your confidence! we all believe in you :)
ReplyDeleteI'm all caught up now :)
ReplyDeleteThat day-to-day thing looked fun. I really liked your answers--helped to get to know you better :] I'm sorry I missed out.
I feel you, fo'sho. No matter what, eating makes me feel like shit (except this past week). Now the repercussions of this last week are being felt and it's not good. It's like we're doomed no matter what. Meh, at least we're doomed together. I wish you ALLLLLL the best hunnie <3 (ps I missed you :P)