Monday, March 21, 2011

I happen to be a pathetic excuse for a human being.

Not to mention desperate.

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. There's a lot of thoughts jumbling around in my head right now... It's not on straight.

I've had 217.5 calories so far today. I'm so afraid I'm going to binge later. So afraid.

Fuck, I just want to be skinny. Why do I keep self-sabotaging?

Actually, I know why I sabotage myself. It's a protective thing (which sounds weird, I know) to protect myself from the disappointment of failure, should I fail.
Which is completely ridiculous, because sabotaging myself equals failing.
So, I'm psycho.

But we knew that.

I'm going to go run. It's raining out. I love running in the rain.


  1. we're all a little psycho in different ways. you can post whenever you want. have fun in the rain. i'm using to pretend it's rainy here. i hope you find a good way to hold off a binge. i'm sure you will. stay strong, darling.
    p.s. i had to move, follow my new blog if you'd like.

  2. I love running in the rain too :)
    And that stupid 'protect myself from the disappointment of a binge by bingeing' happens to me too. But I'm trying not to let it :)

    You're beautiful.

    Xx. Lillie

  3. 1. Ur not pathetic my dear
    2. It's Anne, I know my blog disappeared. Family matters came up. But I wanna stay in touch because we are extremely similar. Do u email? Stay strong
    xx Anne

  4. CHARLIE!!!!! i missed you!! <333 you aren't pathetic, i am :p and if you are psycho, then at least i'm not alone :D <333
    i just started running again, and it made me realize how out of shape i am :/ i can't even run a mile. i can run and walk but not just run
    *sad face*
    grab your crucifix and tell the binge deamons to go back to hell :p