Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I figured it out.

Why I've been bingeing, I mean.

And it's NOT because I'm happy.
Because, I think if I really was happy I wouldn't be bingeing.

But thank you peanut, not.quite.ana, and Lost In Space for those wonderful comments. They really made my day. :]

I think what's been triggering my binges lately has been my parents. Whether it's my dad saying, "Oh, I'm starting a new workout plan, you should join me, blah blah blah, I'll get you in shape," or my mom saying, "What are you talking about, you have no control when it comes to food, blah blah blah, this is my fault, food is comfort to me too, your issues with food are all my fault."

News flash. My disordered eating (it's been a long time since I've called it an eating disorder. Because really, it's not an eating disorder. It's just eating patterns that are a bit fucked up) is NOT ABOUT YOU. It's about ME.

Anyway, now that that's all figured out, and I've successfully binged the day away (gross) I think I'm going to fast tomorrow.

Or for the rest of my life.


  1. oh man, im stuck in a binge mode as well. its super freaking hard to get out of and more power to you on your fast tomorrow. (i lack the self control for a fast right now lol).
    stay strong

  2. Fasting seems like a wonderful idea. Good luck! I won't be fasting, but I'll be starving my best with you :)

  3. oh gosh. thats awful that they would say that!!! do they not realize that you're hard enough on yourself already?

    I know that whenever my parents say I'm chubby or that I should work out, or when they bring up weight at all, it just makes me really angry. but it makes me not want to eat at all. maybe turn it around to whenever they talk about it, you use it as a motivation to not eat!