Thursday, March 11, 2010

Utter complete total fuckup failure.

Why, no.
I didn't stick to the plan.

Why, yes.
I did eat two chocolate chip cookies, a Rice Krispie Treat, a VERY LARGE imported free-trade chocolate bar, a few handfuls of dark chocolate covered banana.

Why, yes.
I do plan on eating bacon and eggs and toast in five or ten minutes.

Why, yes.
I did gain weight from last night.

Why, yes, I do plan on fasting my fucking fat ass tomorrow for not having control.

God, why can't I just lose this weight and be done with it? Why does every single fucking day have to be a such a tremendous struggle?

1 comment:

  1. The pain now will make the sweetness of thin so much more valuable... in answer to your last question as to why it has to be such a tremendous struggle.

    Also, I don't know if this will help, but try thinking of this weight loss as a lifestyle change that will be sustainable even AFTER you've reached your goal weight rather than just means to an end... Because even though it's possible to do this the "quick and easy" way, losing weight through fasting and pure starvation, the odds are that unless you maintain THOSE habits long-term (which is impossible, since you'll die eventually...naturally :P) the weight will come back if/when you begin providing your body with food again. If the "diet" or eating habits you're practicing now are *not* things that you can see yourself sticking with (and being content with) five years, ten years, fifteen years down the line, then they probably won't serve you very well after you've reached your UGW. I'm hoping this makes sense...

    Essentially, when I used to get super frustrated (still do, of course, but that's to be expected sometimes) with all of this, I'd think something along the lines of: "God, I can't wait to just lose this fucking weight already so I don't have to go through this bullshit anymore..." ...but then I started thinking... it's not like once I lose all of this and I reach that magical number I'll be able to go back and start having chicken and cheeseburgers and pizza again...because then it'll come back in full force, worse than before... It has to be something sustainable, something realistic... A change that can endure the test of time and troubles. All this coming from an EDNOS girl who relishes the feeling of starving and yet can't wait for her next binge most days...I know. My advice does not come from a very credible source. :P

    Ah well, I hope some of this helped. Much love, much support... I'm here for ya, lady.