About my massive failure yesterday, that brought me up to 159.0 this morning, and my massive failure today, which was supposed to be a liquid fast day and ended up being a piece of pizza, two glasses of milk and four brownies day, I don't have much to say.
It's 2:27 and I don't plan on eating for the rest of the day.
I wanted to talk, instead, about a gorgeous friend of mine.
I've known her since we were little, but we just reconnected this year, when she came to my school. She's Arab, and so gorgeous. We're about the same size.
She's so pretty and confident and wonderful and nice, and I can't help but be jealous of how carefree and happy she is. I don't think I've met a nicer person than her. A lot of people come to my school and end up getting shut out, because our cliques have been formed since seventh grade. Most people aren't accommodating. But she came, and instantly made new friends- within weeks she was joking around like she had known us all for years.
How can I get that charisma and confidence? Is is some genetic gift? I used to be like that. I used to be able to make friends with anyone, anywhere.
When did that stop?
When did I start feeling overly insecure about myself?
Where am I headed on this road?
Thank you all for your beautiful comments on my last post, reminding me that life doesn't suck so bad. I think Mother Nature is beginning to make her monthly rounds, making me weepy. Sucks to be a girl.
It's now 3:56. I have to take a shower and go to some mass for the seniors. I'm not even Catholic.
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hey girly, don't beat yourself up too much. We all have bad days. Want to have a good day with me tomorrow? I'm planning on not eating anything at all!
ReplyDeleteand as for charisma and confidence, pfft, overrated. isn't it much more fun hating yourself and being insecure and having trouble meeting new people? My favourite part is when you meet new people and make a total fool of yourself and then they think youre a total freak!!
at least you're not alone here! :)
dear charlie,
ReplyDeleteI have nominated you for the beautiful blogger award :) you're supposed to share 7 secrets about yourself, and then nominate others if you want.
I agreed with PollyDolly- you're not alone with the social yuckiness. maybe if charisma and confidence are genetic gifts, then science will find the gene and we can buy it at a store. wouldn't that be lovely?