Monday, May 3, 2010

I'd give, I'd bend. Let's play pretend.

Have you guys ever heard of Lights?
I'm kind of obsessed with her. Listen to her song "Pretend," it's kind of fucking amazing.

Thank you guys for thinking the best of me... I'm really not that great of a friend or a person... I just don't have that many friends I actually care about keeping, I guess.
A lot of times people annoy the hell out of me, so I'll be mean to them
I always have rude comments in my head for people I don't know or don't like. I always think mean things, especially about, well... larger people. I mean like insanely obese.
It scares me, obesity does.
I never want to be on the brink again.
At 180.4 pounds, I had a BMI of 29.3, which is 0.7 away from being obese. Which terrifies me.

I'm also very good at undermining things. So you see, I'm actually quite a bad person, I swear.

This is crazy, I'm attempting to qualify reasons that I'm a horrible human being.

So, Skinny Annoying Friend is now in an even bigger fight with my other friend and I'm in the middle. Yet again.
I'm so so so fucking tempted to not talk to them until they decide to be mature like I'm attempting to be.
I mean, when you can't even own up to your own part, you have a problem.
It takes two to start an argument.

And apparently three to finish it.

Intake today wasn't great. Raw foods mixed with shit foods.
So it wasn't total fail, but close enough.
Two pounds by Sunday. Two pounds by Sunday.
I can be 145 by June 20th. IthinkIcanIthinkIcanIthinkIcan.

In case you're wondering, June 20th is a retirement party after church for my pastor, who is amazing and I love her. It's going to be weird not living next door to amazing people anymore. Our new pastor is funny looking (see, there's my meanness again!).
This means there's a possibility that I'm going to see this guy that's been one of my close friends that I've pretty much been in love with since we were little.
And he's always thought of me as a younger sister.
So maybe if I'm hot and attractive, he'll think less "younger sister" and more "damn I wanna bang your brains out even if you're two years younger than me and I have a girlfriend and I'm in college and it's illegal."

Why yes, I am a pathetic virgin. Heh.
No, I'm not looking to get laid, but hell it'd be nice to get noticed for my looks every now and again.
However, I could just be ugly.
But at least my eyebrows match my hair. Heh.
(That was a jab at his ex-girlfriend, who had dark brown eyebrows and light blonde hair. Like, what? SEE I'M SO FUCKING MEAN. I DON'T DESERVE NICE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.)

And this is way too long now. Bye guys, I love you.


  1. you make me laugh. i say i dont like people all the time. i actually do, just no some people. obesity scares me too, im so scared ill be huge!! i hope that guy notices you. he should because you're great =]

  2. At least you admit you've a mean tendency. I wouldn't say you're mean, in generally. Sounds like bullshit but I'm not a psychiatrist so I can promise it's not bullshit.

    Make sense? Probably not. For the record, I'm a mean fuck. So fuck off. <------ see. proves it.

    I probably bore you. You're not mean. You can do this. Extra points for having matching eyebrows. Wait, that's wrong. Fuck it, I'm tired.


  3. OHhhh you're not alone:) I'm so mean, too! Like in my classes I'm always the one to get on peoples' cases, I swear like a sailor (and drink like one), but dammit, I feel like SHIT about my weight! It's kind of funny:)

    And I agree with you, don't let your friends pull you into their mess!

  4. Your not mean, your just honest!

    Stay Strong, and you'll be 145 in no time!!!

    Good Luck! :DD

  5. I think ever person is fundamentally mean. Everyone thinks nasty things about other people from time to time, all that matters is how much you actually act on that and voice the evil within. :P