Shit, I don't know what I need.
I've been on benders in the past, but not this bad.
I will probably weigh 161 tomorrow.
I've gained five pounds in the past two weeks WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CHARLIE?
There's a voice in my head screaming "STOP STOP STOP EVERYTHING YOU'VE WORKED SO HARD FOR GET YOUR ASS OFF THE COUCH AND GO RUN GET A FUCKING TAN THEN YOU WON'T LOOK SO FAT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!"
But I don't listen to it.
I just pick up a book to block out the voice and GORGE AND GORGE AND GORGE.
I can't liquid fast. I can't ABC. I can't Chemical Diet.
What the hell do I do?!? This hasn't happened to me recently, I have no idea how to get off this massive, two week binge.
I need help. I need help I need help I need help.
Help me.
Maybe I should go see my therapist. Talk to her about the bingeing. Maybemaybe. Oh, fuck, I couldn't do that, who am I kidding? I can't even open up to my own parents.
Okay, Charlie, even though you're pathetic for making a new plan every day, we're going to ease back into this.
Here's tomorrow's plan.
Breakfast:
Mini-carton of OJ (90)
Lunch:
Salad (130)
Strawberries (45)
Dinner:
Tomato soup (130)
Salad (130)
Dessert:
Strawberries (45)
Total: 570
Eek. But at least it should keep me eating through the day and not flailing and bingeing, right?
For exercise, I'll go for a run.
Thank you for your beautiful comments. I love you all, even though I gained and lost a follower this weekend (I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. -shifty eyes- Not really. :]).
Love you guys. Stay strong and wonderful, even when I can't. I know you do.
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Cougherm your plan sounds like it fits this desription, raw foods only. AKA Vegan, aka no meat no dairy. :) Good luck.
ReplyDeleteWell, maybe you're trying to do too much too soon. I mean, eating a lot over two weeks to eating nothing is hard. I like the new plan...maybe tack on something with bfast so you can go through the day. Like an apple or something.
ReplyDeleteAlso about the running: have a back up plan. If it gets too late or something have a dvd or something waiting in the wings to pick up the slack! It's crazy helpful when you just aren't feeling it (and who honestly does when it comes to exercise, lol)
Good luck babe, I know you can do it!!!!!!
XOXO,
Scarlet<3
i lost one too. but i think you are gonna be fine. youll lose tht in no time. just tell yourself tht you have to stay to thiss schedule becauese your life depends on it!! you can do this, you will do this!! <3
ReplyDeleteThat is a good idea, planning what you eat, it usually helps me.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can't do diets because they are diets, like your sayinng to yourself I can't have this or this or this, so you want it more.
But if you tell yourself, right I am allowed this, this and this, then it is making you feel that your not missing out on anything.
I hope I have explained this properly and that it helps
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