Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I've never felt this way before.

And I hope to never again.

All my life, I've been pretty confident, at least when it comes to dance.
Today, I felt ugly and clompy and ungraceful.
I'm always critical in my head of everyone, even more of myself. Usually my arabesques are adequate, my balances are a breeze and my pirouettes are passable, and don't give me reason to frown.
Today, I frown.

For the first time in my life, in a dance studio, I felt unpleasant and uncomfortable and unsure.
I still feel that way.

Even though I ate my lunch today, my friends didn't believe me when I told them I did (I ate lunch in the art room with other friends).
It was a fucking salad, like total 142.5 calories. Plus strawberrys, 45.
I did eat it, for the record.

Around 500 calories today. Probably a bit over. Ick.
I feel disgusting. I'll have my salad for lunch tomorrow and for dinner.


  1. I've always thought dancers looked so graceful and pretty, I'm sure you are aswell.
    I cant dance at all. lol
    And 500 is great, you're doing well, chin up
    Tomorrow will be better

  2. I stripped on a table while my friend did coke last summer and I weighed about 130lbs. I'm sure you look great dancing.

    And it's none of your friends' business if you eat or not! Tell them you ate and to shut up:)

    Love you, girl. And I'm sure you loiok amazing dancing.

    And yes, 500 is VERY FUCKING GOOD!

  3. I'm sure you're a great dancer! You'll find your groove again :)
    nah, he hasn't brought it up. Our family's process is to ignore it and hope it goes away.