I began the Chemical Diet without weighing myself this morning (stupid, stupid!) but since I went to bed at 161.something last night (yeah, disgusting, I know) I'm estimating it at about 159.8.
Weighed myself pre-shower at 167.8, even when cheating a bit (yes, I have no control. I admit to it).
Then I heard my dad screaming over the running water and closed wooden door.
Threw on a towel, ran out.
Grabbed the phone.
Heard some of the most glorious words I've heard in a long time: "We want to hire you for our program."
Hallelujah. Thank you God, thank you everyone, thank you anything.
But I'm not excited.
I'm not overjoyed.
A brief moment of happiness went through me when the camp director told me.
Then,
Dread.
How am I supposed to go to camp looking like this? Camp is in less than a MONTH. LESS than a MONTH.
Also, there's a little problem with something I haven't told you guys about yet (I'm not really sure why, it just hasn't come up).
I wear, erm... Controlling undergarments everyday.
Yes, I'm seventeen and I wear a fucking girdle.
Wow, I feel ten times more pathetic putting it into writing.
So, tomorrow will be better. I can get through tomorrow, yes? Hmm, what is tomorrow anyway? Day 2, day 2....
Juice/tea/milk in the morning, orange or orange juice for lunch, tea for dinner.
Hmm, substitution time, since I have no (don't like) oranges.
How about raspberries? I can just throw a bunch in a bag, since they're approximately 1 calorie each, according to CalorieCount.
Cooooool.
Rachel; Yes, we will pull ourselves together here, and start making some goddamn fucking progress (directed at myself :]). It's time; I hope you start feeling better soon, honey!
BlAnCh; Aww, I missed you! Sleep definitely owns, not that I ever get enough. We will defy gravity and float away, soon enough. Soon enough.
EvaPuedeVolar; You're right. Baguettes AREN'T good at all. I'm so happy I got the job, but I definitely would stay on the skinny path no matter what. Actually, not getting the job probably would've made me work just as hard, to prove, "See, I AM what you were looking for, and guess what? You don't have me!"
But now they do have me, so I have to prove myself and get skinny.
145.620
List-Cap:
1. Sad, happy, mixed emotions.
2. Got the job!
3. Gotta get skinny, fast. :[
4. Love you guys, so so so much.
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Man, this post really got to me.
ReplyDeleteStart fasting! You can get in shape!
And congrats on getting the job:)
congrats about getting the job, even if it makes you a little nervous. it's probably not exactly the same, but I like to wear tank tops with built-in bras under all of my shirts. They're kind of stretchy and they make me feel like my belly's being held in. gross, i know. but maybe you could wear something like that at camp if you're not comfortable bringing what you usually wear along. good luck :)
ReplyDeleteHey well done on the job, see didn't I tell you?? I'm very proud right now
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