Friday, April 16, 2010

It makes my life easier if you DON'T talk to me.

I swear to God, last fucking time I will talk about guys on this blog unless something super spectacular happens.

So, basically, last time I'll talk about guys here, period.

I've been thinking a lot more about God lately, and everything adults are saying, like my religion teachers (yes, religion is mandatory at my school) and the leaders of our student department of spiritual life (juniors and seniors, it's a pretty exclusive club. I wasn't allowed in last year), everything they're saying strikes a chord in me. I don't know what it is...
Like today, in my religion class, one of the heads of the student department of spiritual life, she came to talk to us about applying, since everyone has to apply, even the kids who are already in it. I don't usually pay much attention to her, because she's kind of mean, but she told us, "If you're thinking about applying, and you really want this, you can even ask God to help you, and pray for guidance."
I've been praying a lot more; I always feel guilty asking God for help to get what I want, probably because I generally only pray when I want something.
My friend and I were shopping today, and we bought these necklaces; usually I get the necklaces that symbolize love and relationships, you know? Today, my necklace is made of Sodalite, a gemstone that is supposed to promote inner peace and harmony, and aid in communication (as an added bonus, Sodalite is apparently associated with the thyroid, and promotes weight loss. Cooool).
I'm really big on jewelry with a meaning, even if it's not necessarily true.

I feel so ashamed about what I've eaten today, so I won't tell you guys. Imagine one of your worst eating days. That's about it.

I know I need to respond to your comments, I will, I promise.
But not now.
I just can't do it now.

This week, my goal is to get to 155, not as a post-fast weight, but as my stable weight. I hope I can do it. Fuck it.

Tomorrow is a fast day. Officially. I don't what I have to do to make it happen, someone please smack me if I try to eat? God, I need a texting buddy.
Fuck my paranoia.

Love you guys.


  1. Ooh, I highly doubt this is the last time you'll talk about guys! They're annoying but we gotta love em! Don't feel guilty about asking god for stuff, most of the time I'm like: "forgive me of my sins, bless my fam and friends (which includes you guys too) and then a ton of stuff that I want, and thank you for giving me all this stuff I want" lol. A lot of the time it works out, but sometimes it's like: "um yeah, so I asked for help with this situation? Making it more complicated IS NOT helping!!!!" But that's normally about guys, haha. I think you can make it to a stable 155, and I know you can do this fast! Just try not to think about it too much because that starts a fixation on the food which leads to binging!
    Good luck!

  2. Don't worry; you will do it. you have so many girls following you and belivieng in you.
    And same here, I only pray to God when I want something, which I don't know if it's good or not.
    Sorry about this short comment!
    I would love to be your texting buddie.
    If you need one; my e-mail is
    I tend to text ALOT, so if you want to, i am just warning you now.

    stay strong

  3. i need a texting buddy too dude! but i'm terrified of telling anyone i know, and i'm terrified of giving my phone number to someone i've never met. catch 22.