Zero

There are no chocolate bars left.



So I'm instituting a Zero-Tolerance Policy.

I, Charlie, do swear that I will not buy, ask to buy, ask to have bought for me, ask to be given, or any action that I haven't mentioned , chocolate, also known as "junk food" in its Purest Form (this Policy also pertains to Doritos, regular potato chips, white bread, hard candy, chewy candy, sour candy, sweet candy, ice cream, sherbet, or any "junk food" that has not been mentioned). Chocolate (white, dark, milk, or otherwise) is to be regarded as the Ultimate Sin, Eve's apple, Judas' betrayal. Consuming chocolate, or any aforementioned "junk food" is to be paramount to murder, for it is the homicide of what could be the Skinny Me. Any consumption of foods labeled as "junk" will require a punishment decided on by a jury of peers. Furthermore, any such food branded "junk" will be thoroughly and completely demolished and brutalized. Torture of these criminals attempting to pass as legitimate Nourishment is absolutely encouraged.



I have this vision of myself for the summer.
Long, wavy blonde hair, riding a pastel-colored bike with a basket. Knee-length pastel floral skirt, soft cotton, I made it myself, flowing tank top. Layers of wooden beads. Skinny, of course. Ballet flats, pastel. I like pastels. Guitar strapped on my back, brown leather bag slung across my body.
Sitting on the spillway of my lake, big rocks. Watching the water. Writing songs, taking pictures. Getting tanner, freckly-er.
Getting thinner.



But see.
I don't own a pastel bike avec basket. I don't sew all that well. I'm not good at writing songs, I don't have the balls to sing in front of my parents let alone take my guitar outside the house, except when necessary.
I don't own a leather shoulder bag, I don't tan. I burn. And freckle. I also hate ballet flats, I hate how they make my feet look disproportional to my body, how they make me look fatter than I already am.
I'm not skinny.


Maybe as my stomach shrinks, my confidence will grow.
But probably not.

If I were to eat, say 500 calories a day and exercise 3-5 days a week, I would be in the 120's in June, at my goal weight by August, according to this amazing link that the wonderful Jemimah posted.


I think.
I think, I can do this.


So there it is. My new goal, 500 or less calories a day.
That's more than enough, on 500 a day I could still eat chocolate.


Sinful child, unworthy, ungrateful BRAT.

I could.
But I won't.